Zoie, you're 4 months old already! What happened! "Time flies" blah, blah, but really, 4 months have passed since you were born? That's crazy! Your first 100 days has finally come and gone, and in the beginning I thought it would never arrive. Another parent at school (has three children all 18 months apart), told me that the first 100 days were the most difficult, and after that, it would only get easier. She was right! Our days are definitely getting smoother, and you are the happiest baby 5 out of 7 days. I give you the other two to just get extra cuddling time, and that's certainly fine with me. Sleeping at night however, is not your forte.
You still haven't learned to be comfortable at night, and some nights you wake up every 10 or 15 minutes, just screaming. It is horrible to feel like I can't comfort you, and we have tried EVERYTHING. We swaddle, we shush, we rock, we bounce, we walk, we hum, we turn on the noise machine, we try your side, your tummy, your back, upright on my chest, we swing, we sway, we sing, we un-swaddle, we do nothing, we nurse and nurse and nurse, and then FINALLY....I'll get you to sleep. Sound asleep, I'll lay you in your basket (long moses basket intended for sleeping infants), and you'll sleep soundly for about 10 minutes, just enough for me to start falling asleep again, and then BAM! You're AWAKE, SCREAMING! AHHHHHH! And then we do it all over again, and again, and again, until you finally stay asleep. You'll sleep for about 2 hours, and then you're up, ready to start the whole process again. Poor baby, I wish I knew the answer to this madness. I wish I had the key to your sleep secret. Someday my little Zozo, someday soon we MUST FIGURE THIS OUT. On Sunday, I got out of bed 16 times, and then finally put you in bed next to me at about 4 am. That's just not healthy for neither you nor I, so I am seeking help from any mom out there, and all kinds of book suggestions. Thank goodness you are still sleeping in our room, so you're not waking your sister, although she still wakes up once or twice in the night too.
And here I am up late at night blogging, when I should be catching up on some much needed sleep. Writing this stuff down will be worth it though, in the long run I'll feel better.
So five things huh, I'm pretty tired, but let's see. The sleep thing can definitely be one of them. Harper, tonight when I went to school to pick you up, you ran up to me and Zoie (in her car seat), and when I placed Z down on the floor you leaned in and kissed her on the forehead and said "Hhhhhiiii baby Sooooie". When you kiss her (and any other time you kiss anything) you say "Mmmmmmmmm-Ah" and give smack. You warm up the letter M, I absolutely love it. That's how I get my kisses too, "Mmmmmmmmm-ah"! So there's number 2.
Three: When we went for our walk on Monday down to the bridge to see the ducks, you were wandering your fingers over some of the signs posted on the wooden fencing. I asked you to find the H on the "NO FISHING" sign, and sure enough, you pointed right at it. Then I asked you to find the O and sure enough you know that one too. Darn SMART girl you are at 21 months old. Such a proud proud proud mama!
Four: Harper, you are banned from using markers. You successfully colored all over the desk, chair, Zoie's play mat and hanging toys, and seemed to ignore the giant piece of paper I gave you. I was nursing Zoie while you did this just behind my shoulder. You little stinker. Later on in the morning I couldn't figure out why Zoie's hands had blue on them, and some on her shirt even. You however, you were covered in marker, so I didn't question that. But Zoie? THEN, I found it. On the toys hanging from her little gym. Thank goodness for Crayola washable markers, almost all of it came right out. And I definitely got a laugh out of it, and definitely learned that I can't trust you with art supplies just yet. Thank goodness it's not on the walls of the new apartment we just moved in to.
Five: I actually considered other child care options this week, and scheduled a few tours of them next week. It's ridiculous to think that I can't afford child care for both of you, and that I am going to have to resign from my job because I can't seem to afford any child care, be it BH or other private or home situation. I just can't believe that I have been with a company 9 years, am in my 30's, and am not netting enough income to pay for child care for two kids. Even with their employee discount. Regardless, a promotion would certainly be the perfect thing, and so I have applied and starting interviewing for the Director position at the school that I've been at for the past 9 years. The timing of this position opening right now is impeccable. This could really be it. My big chance to finally run my own program, and in an environment and with teachers whom I know and respect dearly. This could really be the right opportunity in my career right now, BUT, the big question is.......will they offer me enough money? Will the respect that I need from my superiors truly come to light, or will they fail to provide me with a career that I can remain in with them? And most importantly, will I get through the panel interview next week and actually get an offer? Will I actually end my leave of absence (maternity) next week (expires on the 6th...) because I can't afford child care? Will my career be over?
And with those questions, I shall sign off. I good five things to be happy about remembering.
Your mama loves you little peanuts.